Rembrandt wipes ass with criticism

Rembrandt is one of the most celebrated and accomplished selfie painters ever, churning out dozens over the course of his career, even painting selfies of other people in his down time (historically known as pictures). Then he painted the Night Watch, one of the most popular paintings in the history of art:

Unintentional dick grabbing shadow hand not withstanding.

Unintentional dick grabbing shadow hand not withstanding.

The Insult:

Despite being universally acclaimed today, unintended dick grabbing shadows not withstanding, it has been suggested that not all of those who commissioned the portrait were satisfied. Not long after, a patron refused to pay for a painting after Rembrandt turned in a less than flattering depiction. He had to sue to recover his money and an arbitration committee was called in to judge the merits of his work. It’s a fair point, considering I had to fucking scan the portrait from a book after I couldn’t find it on Google. 

There's only so much an epic mustache can do when you look like an angry white balloon.

Ladies and gentlemen, a constipated balloon.

The Fuck You

Not long after this humiliation, Rembrandt did a cute little sketch, a sketch depicting what he thought of these shenanigans. First, the un-obliging patron and critics…

critic2

Subtlety wouldn’t be invented for hundreds of years

And the artist…

Asswipe2.jpg.

Asswipe2.jpg.

And there he is, the old majestic bastard, right up front; Rembrandt is literally wiping his ass with their judgment.

Speaking of judgment…

Rothko VS Money

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